as i mentioned in an earlier post, jigglyboo came out at 37 weeks, a wee bit underweight. but i can tell you, we don't have to worry about her weight now. haha. we both had appointments last monday (me with my gynae and her with her paed)- and when my gynae saw the little girl he delivered two months ago, he was kinda surprised at how much weight she gained since. "like mother, like daughter", he said. pffttt. yes, i'm working on losing all this excess weight.
anyway, i know i haven't done an entry on my labour experience. i wasn't sure if i wanted to (or if i would even remember all the details - some of them are just a blur haha). but i decided i'd do one anyway - cos i know when i was pregnant, i read a lot of other people's labour experiences. it just gives you a feel of what to expect, although i must say, you can't really be prepared for it haha.
anyway, here it goes (this is gonna be a long one!)
it was late sunday afternoon (15th december) and i was planning on cooking chicken soup (i remember this well, because it was my comfort, go-to-menu for when i'm lazy to cook anything else on wkends). at first, i just felt a little trickle of water coming out around 5pm or so. but i went to check in the bathroom and i didn't feel anything else, so i just ignored it. went about making dinner for that night. then after dinner, around 9pm or so, felt another trickle. decided it must be a sign so i just texted my gynae, told him what happened and asked if i should go to the hospital or not.
so he replied, saying i should just go to the labour emergency area to get it checked out. i didn't exactly rush, so i just grabbed my emergency bags (me and jigglyboo had two separate bags) and made sure i brought my Guarantee Letter(GL) from the office in case i needed to be admitted. honestly, i was nervous because it was still early (i had just entered my 37th week) and i hadn't really prepared myself mentally (i thought i had another two weeks left, i was even planning on taking leave at my 39th week).
so we left for the hospital right around midnight (hospital is just in front of our house, separated by a park and stadium, that's why relax je haha). so as soon as i finished with all the registration stuff, i was ushered into a room and onto a bed where one of the nurses strapped me into one of those machines that they use to moitor the baby's heartbeat. i was int he room for quite awhile cos they couldn't clearly hear the baby or something (apparently she was sleeping). they even literally shaked my tummy to attempt to wake up jigglyboo (seeing how she sleeps nowadays, i'm not surprised she didn't wake up; if that girl wants to sleep, she will sleep haha). so that took about an hour. then a doctor came in to see me. she inserted that speculum thingy to see what my dilation was - which didn't hurt, it was uncomfortable at most. because i had heard so much about how much it hurt, i was braced for the worst. so i was pleasantly surprised (i will tell you now, i spoke too soon).
anyway, the doctor confirmed that my waterbag had indeed leaked (no, i didn't have the experience of having my waterbag burst or gush out) and i was 1cm dilated. so since i was leaking, they asked me to be admitted (i knew from my reading that they would, for fear of infection). i also heard the doctor on duty calling my gynae, giving him an update (i don't envy specialists who have to take calls at 1am haha, my poor gynae). then off we went to th wards upstairs.
although HUKM is a public hospital, throughout my pregnancy, i had opted for the private wing (UKM Specialist Centre). i told them i wanted to upgrade to a single room and off we went. the rooms were pretty old-school (i actually wrote a suggestion for them to refurbish the rooms - and improve their menu - in the patient satisfaction survey when i checked out haha). but then again, i chose UKMSC because it was really near to our place and because i'd read great things about their specialists - as long as they had single rooms, i was okay. so R had me checked in and then he had to go home for awhile to pick up his stuff (he had forgotten to pack his own bag haha).
R had to make do with sleeping on the armchair in the room (which wasn't very comfy - but luckily he can sleep anywhere). i barely got any slept because my contractions had started to kick in. to distract myself, i just wrote down every time i had a contraction - at that point, i was feeling them every half an hour. R happily snoozed through the whole time, even when i was clutching his hand in pain. i tried to get as much sleep as i could, because i knew i would need the energy later on but every time i dozed off, i was awaken by the contraction pains.
anyway, later that morning, they sent breakfast which i didn't have the appetite for, so i just made do with some bread. then around 10.30am, my gynae came into the room to check on my progress. this was when he checked my dilation again - he used his hand instead of a speculum - so that really hurt haha. at that point, i was 4cm dilated. and i reminded him that i wanted my epidural. as usual, he said okay, but he wanted to administer pitocin (this is a drug used to induce labour, which isn't abnormal in cases like mine, where there is a risk of infection because of the water leaking) and send me to the labour room first. he said the baby was still positioned high so we;ll see how it goes and around 2pm, he'd let us know if we can proceed with normal delivery or we'd have to opt for a c-section.
so he sent us off to the labour room around 11am (which was on a different level than my ward so the nurses had to push me onto a lift and through staring crowds haha). i guess the pitocin started to really kick in when we got to the labour room because the contractions started to really, REALLY hurt. i really don't know how to describe the pain, but things got real, yo. i've always thought i didn't have a high level of tolerance for pain, but i just gritted my teeth throughout the whole ordeal. i kept telling R to remind the nurse about my epidural, which a nurse finally came in and gave me a pamphlet and asked me to read through it. i actually just wanted to yell, "i know all the risks! just give me the papers i should sign!" haha but i was trying to be brave and stay calm so i just read it and waited for her to come back.
after awhile which felt like forever (in reality, it was only half an hour), i asked R to go find the nurse and remind them about my epidural (yes, again, that was the only thing on my mind obviously, haha). but then my gynae appeared and happily (my gynae is a very relaxed guy, obviously) checked my dilation again. this time around, it didn't hurt as much, probably because the pain from contractions were even worse, sigh. he announced i was 7cm already (ha?? when did that happen?) and i'd probably be delivering soon.
guess what i said in return? of course, "i want my epidural!" at this point, i was trying really hard not to flip out and not yell at people (you want to be nice to people who are gonna help with your labour, and they were really nice to me, too) but still, i was getting frantic, the pain was becoming a bit unbearable.
one of the nurses offered me that gas mask to help with the pain which i refused, becaus i had read it made a lot of people nauseous and didn't really help much with the pain anyway. all i wanted was my epidural, was that too much to ask for? i was happily going to pay for it (well, the office was haha). my gynae seemed quite amused, i think he was trying to get me to chill out. he then told me it was a bit too late to adminiter epidural because i was already at the height of my labour. i could feel myself panicking. all throughout my pregnancy, i hadn't even entertained the thought of having a drug-free delivery. hello, i'm not good with pain, ok! i remeber kind of yelling/whining, that i didn't care, i still wanted my epidural. i know this seems repetitive but that's exactly how the conversation went haha.
then a bunch of nurses tried to cajole me into going drug-free (hello, i'm paying for private hospital fees, shouldn't you be pushing me to take epidural? (haha in hindsight, i do realize they were doing a good thing, epidurals are not to be taken lightly but i was just a woman obsessed at the time). my gynae seemed to relent at first (i think he just didn't want to deal with me whining non-stop about epidural haha) but then thought better of it and told us that even if he administered the epidural shot, it wouldn't have much effect on me because i'd still be able to feel the pain during my delivery. it would honestly be a waste of my money. he even made a joke that by the time they were ready to administer my shot, the baby would probably already be born.
i honestly felt like bursting into tears. but i finally went like, whatever. i'll just have to get through this. so, fine, no epidural shot. so after that whole hoo-ha, my gynae left us for a bit. i swear to god, the contractions that came during this time were no joke. i started feeling the urge to push - but i tried to hold back as much as i could - because i had read (maybe my problem was that i read too much, haha but honestly, i'm glad that i had a lot of info beforehand - it helped me in knowing what to expect) that if you pushed before you were fully dilated, it wouldn't be good for the baby. but still, by 12 noon, i thought i would pass out from the pain. i told a nurse that came by that i was getting huge urges to push but she said to try hold out (sigh!). five minutes after she left, i made R go out and look for my gynae and tell him i really wanted to push, haha. he went out and found a nurse and the nurse said my gynae was already on standby and was hanging out near the labour hall. around 12.15 (i remember this quite well because i was trying to keep track on what time it was - i just wanted the whole ordeal to be over) my gynae appeared, with a smile, of course, and happily announced, "ok,let's do this!". i dont remember what i said in return, except whining that i wanted to push now! haha. after pulling on his gloves and mask and all, my gynae checked me again, and said i was fully dilated and i could start pushing whenever i was ready.
i sat up and at first push, i forgot that i wasn't supposed to push up my bottom while pushing (although i had read this countless times, haha). the nurse quickly reminded me to hold my bottom down while pushing. she tried to get me to hold onto my own leg, which of course i totally ignored - who has the time to think about holding onto their legs while pushing? haha. so poor R had to hold on to my left leg while to make sure i kept my bottom down while my gynae held the other leg. every time i felt a contraction, i just pushed like crazy. the nurse was really encouraging and said i was doing a great job. i think after the second push, my gynae told me i had to push harder because they could already see the baby's head crowning and he was worried she might get stuck or something (honestly, i don't remember what he said haha). so the next contraction, i just pushed as hard as i could and everyone kept telling me just a little bit more (i think it was at this point that my gynae made some incision cuts to help the baby out - i didn't feel it, though- i only knew because R witnessed the whole thing and relayed the whole ordeal to me). it was during the last push that i pushed so hard - i'm surprised i didn't pop a vein, or maybe i did, haha) and finally i could just feel a sensation of relief in my bowels (ew, i know, but it's the truth - and i had an enema before coming down to the labour room) as the baby swooshed out. i have no idea how the baby came out, because R was too busy holding me and watching it to remember to video it haha but according to him, our little jigglyboo came spinning out and my gynae grabbed her head and pulled her out. i immediately heard her crying her lungs out. my gynae let R cut the umbilical cord and the nurse put her to me for a second so i could have a look (jigglyboo was a girl, of course!) and i don't remember much of that moment except i was kinda in a relieved daze and she looked a bit blue-ish/grey-ish and covered in blood. jigglyboo was officially out at 12.27pm after about 10 minutes of hardcore pushing.
so the nurse took jigglyboo away to get her cleaned up while my gynae pulled out all the other stuff that was left inside (he told me not to push as he applied pressure on my tummy and literally pulled stuff out). then he got onto stitching me up down there. i'm sure he bius-ed me up because at first i couldn't feel anything but halfway through, i started feeling a little pain and went "but that hurts!" haha. he gave another bius injection and waited a bit before continuing his stitches. i asked how many there were, and he smiled and said, "don't worry, not much." R counted as he stitched and told me there were six stitches, which i thought was a lot but then realized better after talking to other people who had given birth haha. then before leaving, he laughingly said "see? you didn't need epidural after all." i didn't know whether to laugh or cry haha i think i made a face at him while laughing.
we had to hang out in the labour room for awhile after that because it turned out jigglyboo was just a wee underweight at 2.49kg (the normal minimum weight was 2.5kg, sheesh - oh well, i guess the healthy pregnancy dieting worked haha). after almost an hour, they finally said we could go back to my room and i got to hold jigglyboo throughout the ride back upstairs (after a couple of days of being held up in the hospital - we got held back because jigglyboo had high levels of jaundice - i realized i had left my flip flops in the labour room, cos i got pushed in a wheelchair pre-delivery and went back to my room on a bed post-delivery - luckily they were still safe and sound and R went to go pick them up for me hehe).
afterwards, R told me how it looked from down there while i was delivering jigglyboo. i think he is just as traumatised as i was, honestly. there was blood, a lot of blood. hehe. i know a lot of women don't let their husbands look while the process is going on, but i would rather have R experience it too in his own way - and he definitely got an experience! haha.
so, that's pretty much the story of our baby being born. i didn't get much sleep that day, we had lots of visitors -my parents only came the next day because they were on an outstation trip. and of course there was the aftermath, the sore bottom for days, the sting when going to pee, and the fear of tearing something when i finally had to go to pass motion four days after (they gave me painkillers and also meds to bring down the swollen bottom and to help with the constipation). but don't worry, all that is nothing compared to the contraction pains hahaha.
but honestly, i understand why some women get baby blues, post-delivery. for weeks after being released, i struggled a lot with breastfeeding and my milk supply and was just so exhausted most of the time, even with my mom and R helping out a lot. plus, we were so worried about jigglyboo's jaundice levels. but after about a month or so, i started to get a hang of things. i went out with my family for quick trips - lunches, dinners, that kind of thing - and it definitely helped improve my mood. staying cooped up for 40 days may work for other people, but i feel like you know yourself and your body better - just do whatever feels good for you (and consult your doctor, of course - i saw my gynae for my two-month checkup the other day and he said i could go run a marathon if i wanted to - the rest is all psychological).
it really is true, a happy mommy makes for a happy baby. the first month i was pretty moody and a lot of times, i felt like people were blaming me for jigglyboo's jaundice (although no one said it outright). and i was supposed to feed her every couple of hours so she could poop more and slowly get the jaundice out of her system. with my milk supply being just enough, i was getting pretty frustrated. after three weeks (actually after we made the best decision of going to see jigglyboo's paed which eased our minds a lot), i just started to relax more and enjoy the time with jigglyboo and it just got a lot better. my nips didn't hurt anymore when breastfeeding and we had gotten used to a routine, and whenever we felt like having an outing, we just brough jigglyboo along with us.
at the same time, i was google-ing stuff and asking friends on how to boost milk supply. some people told me ulam pegaga and lobak putih. i had no idea what lobak putih looked like, so R went out and got me a handful of ulams which i juiced up along with an apple and OJ. then i read that brewer's yeast and fenugreek seeds and rolled oats also help boost milk supply. i couldn't find brewer's yeast but i did find the other stuff and since i don't like eating oats with milk, i made cookies out of them. the thing is, you have to get a lil bit creative and have fun with it. first batch of cookies turned out a little bitter so i guess next time i'll have to crush the fenugreek seeds before adding them to the cookie batter.
a couple of weeks before i started working again (i got sixty days paid maternity leave - with the option of one month unpaid, which i didn't take) we went out and got myself the Medela Swing Single electric pump. i had already been using Unimom's electric pump before that but it was pretty bulky. i can't say for sure but i think for me personally, the Medela pump combined with the food i started taking, there was an improvement in my milk supply. nowadays, when i'm at home, i breastfeed jigglyboo directly and i pump twice at the office (once in the morning, once in the evening) and i also try to pump when i'm at home, in between her feeding times. so far, it's working out okay, i used to only get 2oz everytime i pumped during the first month after an exhausting hour of pumping. but nowadays, i usually get 4oz every session, and sometimes, even more if i'm lucky. i still keep organic formula milk on standby with my mom when we leave jigglyboo with her while we're at work. i know breastmilk is the best source of nutrients for a baby and all that, but i'm not going to be one of those moms who obsess about it to the point of stressing themselves out. as much as humanly possible, i'll try to supply her with breastmilk but there have been occasions during the early days when my frozen ebm had just run out or it couldn't be heated up fast enough because jigglyboo was wailing her little heart out. i just try my best with supplying her with milk, but in case of emergencies, i try giving her the best formula milk i can afford, which is the organic formula milk (which is very hard to find and expensive, i might add).
so there. that pretty much sums up my experience for the last couple of months. motherhood is definitely rewarding, but people should also be aware of how hard it is and how much you need to sacrifice. it's a huge responsibility, taking care of another little human being. i'm glad we waited until we were ready to have her, financial-wise and also time-wise. she lights up out lives and this experience is something that we wouldn't trade for the world.
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