passion.

i feel like everywhere i look these days, people are working on something that they're passionate about. my brother and his wife have a small, independent cake business that's actually really taken off (they even supply to some cafes on the weekends). i also have a friend who runs a business making cookies and wedding gifts. then i have another friend who's left her cushy consulting job to start her own yoga business as well as friends who have been in the business of photography for awhile now. all this is definitely a good thing, i know, but it just sort of leaves me wondering, what am i doing to fulfil my passion in life? am i even passionate about something enough to have it as a career?

honestly, i don't know.

a few years back, i thought i had a real passion for writing. so i left a short stint in one of the big four companies and applied for a place to do masters in journalism and communication (still easily the best decision i ever made). before i left for journalism & comms school, i took almost a year off to just try to get some work in the industry. i lucked out and got hired to become the editor for the website version of a young women's lifestyle/educational/empowerment tv show. this lead to a couple of connections offering me writing gigs for scripts for that particular tv shows and ultimately other tv shows. i honestly thought i had made it; how cool was it that i was being paid to do something that i loved for a living?

buzzkill.

i didn't really LOVE doing it. i mean, i loved writing. but i hated working with producers and how they nitpicked over every aspect of my scripts. i could work with that though, a bigger problem was the payment. you don't get paid a mighty lot for writing scripts. you actually need a steady inflow of writing gigs to be able to stay afloat, because even if you do get the gigs, the checks don't come fast enough. i learned those lessons well, back then. i could go the route of starving artiste, but i wouldn't be able to support my lifestyle.

i know, i know. money isn't everything and all that. but the thing is, i like my lifestyle. i don't splurge on much -i'm definitely no shopaholic - but i do enjoy hanging out with friends and trying out new cafes and all that. so, i need a job that can afford me all those litte things in life that make me happy. which is why i slaved away two years of my life doing a routine, accounting job that paid fairly well. and i cant complain much about my current job. it's fairly interesting in the sense that i don't do routine work, we get to work on different projects, the pay is good, i don't work on weekends and i still get home in time to make dinner.

but when i look at my friends who have their own little businesses - it gets me thinking, what do i have? i could try asking for writing gigs again but that requires attending writing/production meetings which i don't have the time for since i have a job. i like cooking - but i'm not good enough to do it for a living and don't even have the moolah to open a cafe. i'm not good at arts or crafts - so i can't do that. i'm not that into fashion - and i can't sew to save my life. the only thing i like doing is organizing events; but i'm not really an outgoing person by nature so that's probably not the best match, huh?

so i really don't know. i like working, but am i really damned to be one of those people who work in an office until they retire? shouldn't there be more to life than that? i guess that's a conversation i can only have with myself.